Lucas: Buy The Boards

By Adam Lucas

PORTLAND—These are the nights that you would think might keep the Claflin Company of Hudson, Ohio, in business.

Not too long ago, Carolina basketball equipment manager Shane Parrish noticed the Tar Heel inventory of clipboards was dwindling. Clipboards, of course, are an essential device for a basketball coach, and also a fundamental part of Roy Williams' occasional methods of making a point.

They really are the Swiss army knife of coaching. Need to diagram a play? Use a clipboard. Need to emphasize the importance of boxing out by destroying an office supply? Use a clipboard.

So with the stock running low, Parrish set off in search of replenishing the supply. As you probably guessed, Roy Williams has a certain kind of clipboard he prefers. Many coaches use the newfangled plastic kind. Williams has not yet made the conversion to that particular piece of 21^st century technology. He prefers the wood-backed version.

Look, we could pretend here. We could make up something about Williams having learned to diagram plays on the wood-backed clipboards and he once made a solemn vow to his first Tar Heel junior varsity team that he'd never use anything other than the same board he used with them, no matter how big-time he became or how many games he won, and there's just something about sipping a Sprite Zero with a wood-backed clipboard that reminds him of Owen High.

But you deserve the truth, and that's not it. The truth is that the wooden ones break a little more dynamically, thereby being a perfect demonstrative device during certain huddles.

Those particular boards are manufactured by the aforementioned Claflin Company of Hudson, Ohio. Parrish went online to order a handful for this season…you know, just in case. Can't be too careful.

There was no website.

He called a number he had in his files for Claflin. The following conversation ensued:

Shane Parrish: "I couldn't find the order website."

Guy Answering Claflin Phone: "Ain't one."

Shane Parrish: "OK. Well, I need to order six of those finely manufactured wooden-backed clipboards."

Guy Answering Claflin Phone: "OK. But let me be honest with you, I'm getting pretty old. I'm thinking about shutting the business down."

Very Alarmed Shane Parrish: "Better make that three dozen."

And thus did the Tar Heels stock up for the 2017-18 season, which makes Shane Parrish look like the most foresighted man in Orange County. Perhaps he knew there would be nights like Sunday, when the Tar Heels posted the worst shooting percentage in team history, the worst three-point shooting percentage in team history, and suffered a 63-45 loss to a Michigan State team that committed 24 turnovers and shot less than 39 percent from the field while—this is the scary part—completely dominating the game.

"It was about as bad an exhibition as I've ever seen," Williams said. "The way we played was about the most shocking game I've ever coached."

The Tar Heels missed…well, pretty much everything. They missed nearly a dozen layups. They missed every three-pointer except one. They missed ten free throws. You know all those times you wonder why Williams is so committed to playing inside first? It's because of nights like this, because sometimes the jumpers don't fall. Except, most nights, at least something falls.

Williams didn't want to say it was one of those nights but, man, it sure felt like it. Carolina has had much worse teams than this one. And none of them—none, zero, zip—have ever shot this poorly.

We could try to break down the causes, or we could just make it a little easier: all of it. All of it was the cause. The post play and the guard play and the ballhandling and the rebounding and the shooting, oh, the shooting. You don't expect all of it to go haywire at one time but trust me, it did.

As you probably guessed, a Claflin was indeed harmed in the making of this game. It happened in the second half, at a timeout with 11:35 left, when Michigan State had built a 19-point lead.

The pieces were gathered and the game, such as it was, continued. This can't possibly happen again. It just can't. It literally never has happened in Tar Heel history prior to Sunday. Don't let a historically bad 40 minutes erase what you saw in the previous five games. This is when you trust the Hall of Fame coaching staff, most of whom were awake and watching film and preparing for a three-game week during the four and a half hour overnight flight from Portland to Raleigh.

Michigan State, a very good team, exposed some weaknesses in a North Carolina team with eight new players, including a key rotation player who is sidelined with an injury. This is why you don't play the NCAA Tournament in November.

Sure, you woke up in disbelief on Monday morning, but there is no reason to believe that performance is in any way indicative of the 2018 Tar Heels.

Because if it is?

Better make it four dozen.

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