University of North Carolina Athletics
Mick: The Psychic Experience
November 3, 1999 | Football
Nov. 3, 1999
"How did you learn of me?", said Lady Wallace.
"I looked in the yellow pages under 'Psychic'", I answered.
"And you wish to make an appointment?"
"Yeah, I guess so but I've never done anything like this before. What kind of dollars are we talking about?"
"A reading is 45 dollars. It can take a half hour or up to an hour, depending."
"Hey, do you have any of those cards that you deal out?"
"A tarot session is 50 dollars."
"In addition to the 45?!"
"Yes."
"What will twenty bucks get me?"
"Come at 3 oclock. I'm sure we can work something out."
She gave me directions and hung up the phone.
********************
The sign in front of the modest, brick house said, "God Gifted Spiritual Advisor. Thru Prophecy I Can Solve Any Problem."
Lady Wallace, short and olive-skinned, directed me to a small room off to the right with mostly pink carpet and wall paper. I was expecting dim lights and incense and mystical music, probably from watching too much TV, but I guess for just a twenty-spot you don't get any theatrics.
"How may I help you?" she asked in a friendly way as she sat down and smoothed out her light blue dress.
"Well Lady Wallace, there is a college football team over in Chapel Hill that I care a lot about and lately things haven't been going well at all."
I opened my briefcase, took out a Carolina Football Media Guide and opened it to page 97.
"Here is Coach Carl Torbush," I continued, pointing to his picture. "He's as nice a guy as you'd ever want to meet but I swear it seems like the planets are aligned against him right now."
"Do you think this man is jinxed?", she said.
"No, do you?"
She bent over the book and studied one of the pictures for a moment.
"I see by the lines in his face that he is too nice. His players aren't afraid of him."
"Oh, I've got to disagree with you there, Lady Wallace. You should see him when he gets mad at practice. His face gets all red and he starts hollering. In fact, I remember this one time that - "
"What is troubling you, my son?" she asked, cutting me off in mid-story.
"Huh?"
"You say you came because of this man, but I see that it is you who is not happy."
"No, I am happy. I'm the happiest guy around. Trust me when I tell you that. It is happiness city at my house!"
She cast her eyes towards the ceiling and continued.
"I see a physical problem in your past. Were you sickly as a child? Or perhaps this physical problem is in your FUTURE. Yes, I see doctors around you. Don't worry, I do not see death or anything. At least not yet..."
"Oh great," I said, suddenly aware of beads of sweat on my forehead. "No death, just a serious injury and a team of specialists. Look Lady Wallace, can we stay on point here. There are three games left in the season and - "
"You tell this coach to call me. I can help him. Football and baseball I know about, but basketball I don't. Do you have any other questions?"
"Yes. Could I have a receipt?" I said, reaching for my wallet.
"I don't give receipts," she said.
"In that case I do have one more question, Lady Wallace. Could you look into the future and tell me if I am going to get reimbursed for this twenty dollars?"
