University of North Carolina Athletics
Lucas: Learning Lots At Ladies' Football Clinic
August 22, 2001 | Football
Aug. 22, 2001
By Adam Lucas
TarHeelBlue.com
John Bunting wants to make Carolina fans consumed with football.
If he's going to do that, he has to reach people like my wife, who attends every Carolina game, home and away, but would never be confused with Vince Lombardi when it comes to football knowledge. (However, she is more than capable of diagramming the perfect play to attack the yearly sale at the mall.)
As an introduction to Bunting's style, I persuaded her to attend Monday night's ladies' football clinic, which was held at the Kenan Football Center and featured several Tar Heel-related speakers, including Bunting and his wife, Dawn.
I sent my wife, Stephanie, to the clinic with one simple assignment: tell me what the average Tar Heel is going to think of the new head coach. Oh, and try to learn the difference between the 4-3 and the 3-4.
Mission accomplished. Sort of.
She returned from the clinic full of relevant facts, sort of like the kid in Jerry Maguire who keeps asking, "Did you know the human head weighs eight pounds?"
Fresh off coming in the door after nearly five hours of football talk, she said, "Did you know a football helmet weighs between 17 and 25 pounds?"
Well, no I didn't.
But enough about that. I am a Trained Football Observer and cannot be bothered with such trivialities. What about her impressions of Coach Bunting?
She could not get to that just yet. There were more important things to consider.
"Did you know the average uniform costs about $1,500 for everything that's included?"
That was followed by the added information that each player gets five pairs of shoes, which is roughly a tenth of the number of pairs that my wife buys on a yearly basis.
"Did you know that some of the players get to drink milkshakes after they lift weights?"
Well, yes, but they are not exactly of the McDonald's variety.
I was starting to wonder if this whole clinic thing had been a waste of time. Didn't they spend any time on the basics, the nuts and bolts? Then, all my questions were answered. In a somewhat scary way.
"Oh yeah, and I learned about the three lines of defense. There's the defensive line, the linebackers, and the, um, tailbacks?"
Hey, two out of three isn't bad. After a raised eyebrow, she quickly remembered that it was actually defensive back, not tailback.
Don't ever say that these clinics don't provide any useful information. Stephanie now knows that the Tar Heels plan to move Ronald Curry around more this year to try to get him out of the pocket. She also knows that the key to this season is protecting the quarterback, which puts her ahead of some people in Chapel Hill in the recent past.
Incidentally, that protection is provided by the offensive linemen, who are coached by Robbie Caldwell, who is Stephanie's new favorite coach. He apparently gave quite a good talk, and also offered to set any of the ladies up with cute offensive linemen, which never hurts. Just wait until I get my hands on Greg Wooft...uh, hi Greg. Never mind.
Perhaps the most shocking event of the evening was that my wife came home spewing football terminology.
"We may run some naked bootlegs this year," she said. "That means that we will run around naked with Sally."
Who says that football Saturdays aren't fun in Chapel Hill? A suggested new season-ticket slogan: "Tar Heel Football 2001: Come Run Around Naked With Sally!"
Dashing my hopes of a very revealing season, she quickly explained to me that Sally is the play call for a reverse, which is run "naked," with no blockers.
Let's face it: I am living with Bear Bryant. Let's see anyone else's wife break down the end-around.
But she still hadn't answered my assignment, which was to provide her initial impression of Coach Bunting.
"He's a pretty intense guy, isn't he?"
Yes, that about sums it up. Oh, and one more thing.
"Did you know that they lose between eight and ten pounds per game?"
ALSO BY ADAM LUCAS
Adam Lucas is the co-publisher of Basketball America. He is a lifelong observer of UNC sports and can be reached at JAdamLucas@aol.com.
